day 2 and 3

those with a keen eye will have noticed that I haven't posted for 2 days  this is because last 2 days have been one for me my sleeping pattern got messed up again and in attempt to correct it i  pulled an all nighters for the most part i have stuck to the diet plan shakes and chicken had an extra shake during the night I did my bike exercise on day 2 but not day 3 as I was just to tired

no swimming though I told myself on day 2 that it was I could not find my swimming shorts but to be totally honest with myself I didn't look that hard this is a stupid fear that is so ridicules I can swim I love to swim once I'm in the water I enjoy myself so much but I am so ashamed of the way I look that I deny myself one of my Favourite  childhood activity's because of what

suppose this is the damage of my school years day in  day out bullied about the way I look I could never list all the names I was called the snide remarks that were thrown at me and a few times beaten because they didn't get a response from me with the names so they would beat it out of me

it was only a select few that were the ones that would do this but you get that every day you start to think that everyone thinks the same things you start to think your worthless so you get down and start to hate yourself the same way that you think ever one else hates you


any way got a little side tracked there  diet   going OK  no real big hiccups other than swimming and i will beat the fear as for food I'm staying away from the bad stuff in fact I find myself not wanting the shakes  but I force myself to have them I have been warned about not having them before

day 2/3 good just need to keep on top of my sleeping pattern